closet

Closets of Lies

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Just standing in my closet, surrounded by clothes I have tried on and thrown on the ground. Some are too small and I hope to fit in them some day.  Some I have worn a thousand times. Some I just don't feel great in but I still have them. I feel anxiety rising in my throat about what to wear to this wedding. What is too formal? What is too relaxed? What will people think of me if I wear this? I want to send the right impression of who I am... Will my leg scar show too much? Will my spanx be sufficient in covering up my mummy tummy? What will cover up the fact that I am terribly insecure? The negative thoughts about myself just start to snowball. I think, "Nothing in this closet is good enough to cover up this mess I am." (Dramatic much?) I have been standing in my closet for over ten minutes just thinking. Just staring at my clothes and letting these words pour over me and fill me and consume me. It is draining the life from my bones and I am letting it.   When my husband comes in to remind me we need to leave soon, I burst out in anger, "I know! Give me some space."

I admit I have cried in that closet before, sat and cried. I spoke truth to my nasty thoughts alone in that closet that day. Lumpy throat, watery eyes and a pounding heart I spoke the words, "I am more than this." I am more than this skin and wild hair and what I can see with these blue eyes. I am more. I am more than this dress and these shoes and these painted toenails. I am more than my boring job and who my husband is and where I live and the car I drive. I am more than my education and my social ability and how many followers I have on instagram. I am more. I am more. I am more. Jesus made me more. 

This little melt down did not start there in that closet, did it? It started with one, small emotional disappointment or feeling of inadequacy followed the next day by another and then another.  I tried to push those feelings down. I tried to ignore them and silence them hoping they would disappear. I took them and put them away until my heart was stuffed and overflowing. One more small emotion broke the damn. Broke it.

If I don't let Jesus speak truth to my soul about who I really am, every single day, I am not fully living in His fullness.  If I keep burying my feelings of inadequacy and insufficiency and disappointment I cannot hear His voice clearly.  If I keep listening to the enemy trying to drag me into that closet alone, I am not walking in truth.

If you are in a closet crying, or headed there, stop right now where you are and go be alone.
Close your eyes. I mean it. (Well after you read this part)
Close your eyes and imagine Jesus' face looking down on you. What does His face look like toward you? What does He think of you? What is He saying to your soul when His eyes lock with yours?
Sit there with Him for a minute and drink in His face, His gentle smile and grace covering love.
Let Him speak to you daughter. Listen. Breathe it in.

Can you feel it?
Can you see His gentle smile? He is for you. He has pride in you. He takes joy in you. He has hope for you. He loves you right where you are.
Is His love just filling you up and draining out those lies? Let them keep draining out.





This world is just trying to fill us up with lies about who we are every single day, hundreds of times per day, just to slow us down and handicap us. Through voices of other people, media, and our own selves. The moment you notice a lie, stop and tell yourself a truth. You are His daughter. You have God given gifts. You are created in His image. He made you for more. You have something to give to this world. Bathe yourself in Jesus every single day, bad day or good. Confide in a close friend who will uplift your soul and speak life over you. Read the Bible, sing worship songs, pray, have signs around your house to remind yourself you are His daughter, created in His image. Hide His word in your heart (Psalm 119:11) and train your mind to revert to truth. We all have been that girl in the closet, but together and with God's help we can walk in holy confidence and truth. Go get em girl. Go live in truth and set this world on fire.






PS- I have started an Etsy shop with some words of affirmation and am working on a unit of the Psalms. You can download the images and put them on the mirror, fridge, kitchen sink or your office desk. Whatever fixes your mind on things above. Just started uploading so check back often. Here is the link.


2 Timothy 3:16
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

Phillipans 4:8 The Message
Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

Matthew 5:48
In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

1 Peter 3:3
What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.
1 Corinthians 5:6-8
Your flip and callous arrogance in these things bothers me. You pass it off as a small thing, but it’s anything but that. Yeast, too, is a “small thing,” but it works its way through a whole batch of bread dough pretty fast. So get rid of this “yeast.” Our true identity is flat and plain, not puffed up with the wrong kind of ingredient. The Messiah, our Passover Lamb, has already been sacrificed for the Passover meal, and we are the Unraised Bread part of the Feast. So let’s live out our part in the Feast, not as raised bread swollen with the yeast of evil, but as flat bread—simple, genuine, unpretentious.

1 Thessalonians 5:48
You’re sons of Light, daughters of Day. We live under wide open skies and know where we stand. So let’s not sleepwalk through life like those others. Let’s keep our eyes open and be smart. People sleep at night and get drunk at night. But not us! Since we’re creatures of Day, let’s act like it. Walk out into the daylight sober, dressed up in faith, love, and the hope of salvation.

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1 comments

  1. This is so beautifully raw and exactly what so many of us need to hear. Thank you for being real. Your beauty shines through your words.

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