beloved

Becoming: Who am i?

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Me before an event five years ago:

My heart is pounding. I am walking into a room full of people in three minutes. I need to think of some sort of conversation starter. I probably have a boogie or food in my teeth or….Can I just go home now? I force myself to go. Well, Paul does.






First, I scour the room desperately looking for someone I know, somewhere to hide, somewhere I won’t totally be noticed. I scan each person, deciding automatically who is too cool, too loud, too beautiful for me to talk to. I am comparing myself over and over again and it's draining.
I am just a mom after all.
What if someone comes to talk to me?
What if they ask what I do?
Insurance? Boring.
Stay at home mom? Boring.
Student? Boring.

I try to tell myself I am interesting. I try to tell myself reasons why I am enough...
I am Paul’s wife.
I am a pastor’s wife.
I am a mom of twins.
I am a writer.
I am overweight.
I am shy.
I am not enough.
Sometimes I am too much.
I am always one step behind everyone else.
I people please and bury myself in busyness.
I am awkward socially.
I am not pretty enough, interesting enough,witty enough nor do I have more than a few dollars in my bank account. They won’t like me. Okay time to go Paul….

Am I the only one here?
The only one who labels herself? Listens to the lies of the enemy about who I am?
False identity burdens, buries, and destroys your true identity.
False identity looks inward, constraints, and slowly withers away your God given gifts meant to bless God, yourself and others.

Stop it!
Now.
Do not let lies run your life.

The very moment one of these false labels defining who you are pops in your head trying to drag you down the path to nowhere--ask yourself--who does God say I am?

Who does God say you are?
His daughter. His beloved, beautiful daughter who He created and adores and has poured gifts into your life. Have confidence in this dear sister. Holy confidence. The Bible has written all over it the stories of His love for you:
    You are forgiven  (Romans 3:4)
    Your are free.    (Romans 8:1-2)
    You are a victorious child of God. (Romans 8:37)
    You are made new. (1 Corinthians 5:17)
    You are a holy child of God. (1 Corinthians 1:30)
    You are loved (Ephesians 1:4)
    You are confident (Ephesians 3:12)
    You are accepted and dearly loved. (1 Corinthians 1:2)
    You are chosen by God and holy (Colossians 3:17)
    You are created in His image (Genesis 1:26-27)
    You are hidden with Christ in God. (Ephesians 1:4)
You are His glory, you are healed, transformed, full of power, peace and there are so many more places His word confirms His love for you. Ground yourself in that. Take root there. He sees the love you have for Him and He loves it. He loves you. He has given you gifts. Be confident and operate in them.
The more we remind ourselves who we are in Christ, the more He fills up the broken places. The more His voice becomes our narrative and the lies turn to whispers over time. The more we live in our true self, not our false self we become more like Jesus. In your true identity you will see yourself with God’s eyes, see others with God’s eyes and love people more deeply and fully. Take this journey one day at a time. Today five years later I can still hear the whispers and lies on occasion but they don’t totally cripple me anymore. I am finding my identity and the deep, full love of my Father is ever present and effervescent and gorgeously fruitful. You know what I say to myself today before I go to an event? Be yourself.
Praise be to God great things He has done.
He wants to do them for you too tonight and every single day. Will you let Him? Go be yourself. 



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