on having a daughter
My heart could just not come to write this one year birthday post as I did for my three boys.
I felt like I could never use the right words to say everything. It is too, too big--this having a daughter thing. It is like my heart is swollen with pride and pain and fear and joy for her and I just do not want it to burst. I want to keep it all in. I want to keep her small and protect her from this harsh world full of people who do and say as they please. Why is this having a daughter thing so big for mothers?
Because we fear they will become like us.
We fear we are not a good enough role model for them.
There is honesty for you.
We fear they will think they are fat.
We fear they will not like what they see in the mirror.
We fear they will be told they are not enough.
We fear those mean girls will hurt their hearts.
We fear they will learn how to be a mother from us and mess it all up.
We fear they will look to boys for love and attention and get their hearts broken.
We fear they will feel pain and rejection and insecurity and be pushed aside just as we have felt.
Well friends, today I write this to tell you and myself.
Enough of fear.
They will feel those yucky, gross things in this sin filled world but you know what else they will feel?
Love. Joy. Kindness, Peace. Goodness. Faith.
Acceptance in your arms.
Admiration of their inner beauty.
Passion for a God given gift.
Sassiness. Grit. Gentleness.
Joy and laughter and the very love of Jesus deep down in their souls.
They will laugh so hard they cry. They will have a friend they can tell anything to.
They will learn and grow and look to you for how to be a woman.
I will not always know the answer on how to be a woman.
I will not always say the right things or hug her in time.
But I will become better for her.
I will follow God's example.
So to you, my sweet one year old Karis, you are a true gift of joy.
I am sorry now that I am not a perfect example of a woman or mother but Jesus will fill those empty places like only He can for us both. I vow to continue to grow toward's Christ to teach you and myself how to become better and to teach your brother's what to look for in a wife.
Having a girl this past year has taught me so much in this sea of boys. Though she wrestles with the best of them, she snuggles her baby dolls just as well. This first year of being your mom has grown and stretched me and given me joy deeper and wider than I could ever fathom.
To all you moms of daughters- you are enough, you are loved, they are watching us grow. Let's show em' how it's done momma's!!