His Eyes: A Father's Day Post

There will be 23,347 blog posts today about dads.
Great dads, mediocre ones, single moms, absent dads, alcoholic dads, workaholic ones and so on.
You may read one or two if you feel the title is intriguing.
You will get all the feels for fatherhood. Good or bad.
For your husband. For your dad.
For the role itself and it's immense responsibility.

I have a really great dad. He is an even better Pappy to my boys.
I have a brilliant father to my children. Truly, he is a better parent than me.

When I wanted to get pregnant when we were first married, Paul was scared and unready.  Through the draining infertility treatments and difficult twin pregnancy he was the steady. But you know what? He felt it too. 

The disappointment in the negative pregnancy tests.
The deep sorrow of sticking needles in my belly and seeing me cry on the couch.
The bright, joyful elation of the positive pregnancy test.

Dads feel it too moms. They do. The same stuff we do.  I could see in his eyes. I still can.
They may not use as many words or big emotions. It's there. In those eyes. Look.

When he held each of our four tiny babes in his hands for the very first time.
When he looked in my eyes as he showed them to me behind the c-section drape.
I could see it in his eyes.

When he snuggles a fuzzy headed, freshly bathed baby on his big chest.
When he reaches out his hands to talk to the baby about her day.
I see it.

When he rocks her to sleep so I can rest after nursing all night.
When he plays Legos on the floor.
When he takes his boys out to ride bikes.
When he gently reads them The Storybook Bible.
That look in his eyes, it says:

My cup overflows.
Joy. Love. Amazement.
I'm a dad. 
I'm a dad.

I can see the love of Jesus is those eyes. I can see that love being poured out onto my children. Covering them. Like a soothing balm. Sometimes with words, sometimes with actions, sometimes just by being present. Being a Father is a gift to him. A heavy responsibility, but a gift. He feels God fathering him within fatherhood and he pours that out into our kids. 

Granted, he has taught them to fart on each other and be too rough and does not hold the same safety standards I do, but he is still a gift to us. To see him parent teaches me. I do the same for him I am sure. No one teaches you how to parent. You do what was modeled to you, adjust as you go, and pray for the best. We mess up. Our kids are far, far from perfect. We get mad. They get wild. They are dirty. We are a family of sinners. On days like Father's Day we just take a step back to look at the big picture of this parenting, fathering, mothering whirlwind and celebrate. Remembering the joys and loves and reasons we keep pushing and loving for our kids. Reasons we become better. Through the heartache, the fatherlessness for some, the brokenness for some. Through it all- He reaches out His hands, asks us about our day and He fathers us. 

That love in our eyes, in our hearts, it is directly from Jesus, our Father. He wants us to remember how much He loves us and He shows us through how we love on our kids. I can see it in my husbands eyes. He can in mine too, I hope. Look for it today. Remember where it comes from. Foster it, stir it up and drink it in. Let Jesus be a soothing balm to your soul today wherever your heart is at with this whole Father's Day thing. Your Abba Father is holding you a little closer today. Just look in His eyes. 

Honestly with love,
Rachel xoxo 


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