Heavenly Whirlwind: a baby gift
Driving home from work today, at 38 weeks pregnant, the sky was extra bright and the clouds were extra close to earth. I felt like there was something heavenly whirling in the cool winds. Some sort of glorious, joy filled gift was being whirled together like magic in the sky just for me. God was creating and dancing and rejoicing over this gift He was making me and I could just feel the brilliance of it all deep in my bones. I smiled a little as I made the turn onto my road.
I thought about how I'm so undeserving, so unprepared for this gift. This daughter I thought I would never have. This joy and light in our family. Here I am at the cusp of her entering the world, our family, and fear has been overcome by His peace. She is a gift. I get to be there for her first breath. I get to be there.
Birth can be so scary, unscheduled, overwhelming and honestly downright painful. All the thoughts of how we will make it financially. How I will have to go back to work. How I will juggle it all with three very loud, very tender hearted boys who need me. When will she come? How will she come? Will she be healthy? Do I have everything I need? Is my marriage ready to be shaken? Will my body be strong enough? Will she nurse? Will I be able to bear all these burdens coming at me?
He shows up.
Dancing over me.
In that whirlwind I felt in the clouds today. To remind me this is a gift. Not a burden to fear. A sweet, sweet gift.
Honestly every single night I have whispered the word "grateful" amongst every pregnancy woe. Every kick, hiccup and swelling of my belly has this bitter sweetness bound up in it. It is this wild and wonderful journey, pregnancy. It begins to expose your soul, your selfishness, your ability to love deeper than you thought you could. The strength in your body. The strength and perseverance He grants us in our souls. I am one of those weirdos who loves being pregnant and am beyond grateful I could experience it at all, let alone three times.
This last birth I will not rush. This birth I will not fear.
This birth I will envision as a gift, handed down to me from heaven.
I want to experience and remember every moment. I want to feel the very presence of God as He hands over His daughter to Paul and I to raise. I want to feel that swirly, bright wind in the hospital room and smile as I turn down the road toward her entering my arms. Toward her sharing her voice for the first time. Toward her gasping for her very first breath of cool air. Cradling her, nursing her, looking into her eyes, seeing her with her daddy, hearing her brothers reactions to her long awaited entrance to our family. Karis' name means grace in Greek. I can already sense the soothing grace she will pour over our family. The soothing grace as an unexpected gift, a bright eyed joy, and unmerited favor from our Father.
Will you pray with me tonight? That when baby K decides to come that peace will overrule fear? That joy will fill the moments? Will you pray for your momma friend or family ready to deliver soon? Pray for an overwhelming peace in the room? Pray she can sense that very cool whirlwind presence of the God of life right beside her championing her? Cheering her on? That she looks back on her birth and only remembers the joy?
May we all remember that every child is a gift. A true gift created in heaven in the very same magical whirlwind. Celebrate your sweet gift today momma, old or young. Celebrate.
Honestly with love,
3Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
4Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.