Sitting in a waiting room I never thought I would today. The fluorescent light above me was flickering, my heart was racing and I was hoping I'd see no one I knew. There was a chill in the room. All three boys were with me, granola bars in hand. Sitting quietly on chairs, dangling their feet, I think they could feel the slightly oppresive weight in the room too. It was quiet. All I could think was how much I hated to be in this room, in this place in life, in these thoughts I thought. Get me out of here.
We all go through struggles in life, don't we?
Times of uncertainty. Places you'd never thought you would end up.
Fear of the future. Worries of how you will make it though the day without shedding tears.
Sitting in waiting rooms with thoughts racing through your head asking God why He has you here. Why am I here? I don't belong here. What are you doing God?
Me too friend. Me too. Today was one of those days.
So how do we move on from these sort of cold waiting rooms?
Cold waiting rooms with so many doors? So many doors you can't see past?
Continue to wait for the Lord in that uncomfortable place. He is there too.
Continue to look for the joys, the blessings, the way out. Continue to praise Him amidst the storm. Let Him whisper to you here. The waiting, the chill in the room, the unknowing are all disciplines to strengthen, encourage faith, and muster perseverance.
Where I am now, although uncomfortable and difficult, allows me to commiserate with other mommas here too. I can relate. I can hug. I've got stories. I can hopefully be a story of someone who made it through this place and am on the other side to cheer someone else on. I'm not embarassed to say I don't have it all together. I go through struggle sometimes. Honestly, there is always some sort of struggle going on be it a small one or what seems like a mountainous one. This terrain makes us stronger doesn't it? What a boring life otherwise.
I used to hate this verse. It made me internally roll my eyes quite honestly.
Today however, I know it to be oh so very true. I know my past struggles have given me grit, determination and shaped my heart, soul, and emotions in just a certain way. A certain way for God to use me exactly how He has planned.
Here is what James 1 says,
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
So tonight as we sit in these cold waiting rooms, waiting to see what the door we will be called to is, we know struggle shapes us. Grows us. Molds us. Beautifies us. Refines us. Cleanses us. Matures us.
Whatever door God has for us to open, it is just for us. Designed artistically with love and beauty for our hearts to be transformed by it. Sometimes it's a scenically beautiful view with a paved path, others it's is cold, lonely, embarrassing or hurtful place we want out of. Either place, God covers it all with His grace and beautifies it even more.
I leave you momma friend with this. This to bring you a little hope in this cold waiting room we both sit struggling in tonight. We sit together, you and me, hand in hand. You are not alone. He has been sitting here with us this whole time. This whole time. Working it all out for our good.
This verse has guided me along while I am waiting thus far. This is a long one, but please read it. Every single time I see birds flying by it reminds me of Gods deep, astounding care and love for every detail of my life. That though I don't like this place, He has a way out should I trust him. That He is waiting here right beside us.