This is my last day as a 32 year old.
You know, one of those days of reflection, like what the heck have I done with my life? Where am I going? Does what I do matter?

You know one of those deep, theological moments you have while standing in a hot, steamy shower ten minutes after you are truly done soaping up. Just deep breathing and not wanting to get out while hot water rolls down your back. Sigh.

So before I worked up the guts to get out, the thought came to me...

Before I was Jude, Levi and Ethan's momma.
Before I was a writer.
Before I was an insurance lady.
Before I was a pastors wife.
Before I was Paul's wife.
Before I was my parents daughter.
I was His.

I was His first. Before anything else.
He created me. He knew me before I was conceived. He thought of me, His daughter and He loved me there. Just as I was. Before I ever did anything at all. He held me in His hands and smiled down on me with eyes filled with love. Being His was enough.

You see, I may feel like I am no one of significance without the title of mother, wife, or daughter, etc.
I may feel like I need to add another title, some deed or worthy act to my resume to matter. I don't.
I'm enough simply because I am His.

You are His. First.

Before you are wife, momma, employee. You are His.
May that fact be a centering, sobering moment for you like it was for me.
Nothing I do on this earth matters without my head knowing it's all centered around the truth that I am His. Everything I do is because of Him. Sure I want to be more, do more, grow and change into the soul God desires for me to become. Every day I strive to be more. But the centering, recurring, sobering theme you and I need to keep running back to is:

You are His.
His daughter, His joy, His creation, His masterpiece, His overwhelming reason for loving and being and giving Himself up. His. 

All those other things, titles, relationships or jobs you have are just icing on the cake. They are not who you are. They don't define you. He does. 

So when I feel the pressure of hiding under the title of someone else's somebody, of my job, of my insecurity-- I must remember the center of who I truly am all goes back to where I started. Jesus. And that my friend, is enough.

Honestly with love,

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day. Psalm 139

To say I am grateful is an understatement for the unmerited goodness I have in my life. I am thankful for where I have been and trust the future God has for me is brilliant and bright and wonderous. Now if I could just get my kids to sleep so I can eat some birthday cake in my sweats! ;)


  1. Thank you for this post. I heard our Creator loud and clear, speaking through you. And, He knew I needed to hear (errr, read) exactly this.
    From one daughter of the Lord to another, thank you. ~ Julia

    1. Julia, thank you so much for writing! So great to know we are not alone in this feeling.


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