This is my last day as a 32 year old.
You know, one of those days of reflection, like what the heck have I done with my life? Where am I going? Does what I do matter?
You know one of those deep, theological moments you have while standing in a hot, steamy shower ten minutes after you are truly done soaping up. Just deep breathing and not wanting to get out while hot water rolls down your back. Sigh.
So before I worked up the guts to get out, the thought came to me...
Before I was Jude, Levi and Ethan's momma.
Before I was a writer.
Before I was an insurance lady.
Before I was a pastors wife.
Before I was Paul's wife.
Before I was my parents daughter.
I was His.
I was His first. Before anything else.
He created me. He knew me before I was conceived. He thought of me, His daughter and He loved me there. Just as I was. Before I ever did anything at all. He held me in His hands and smiled down on me with eyes filled with love. Being His was enough.
You see, I may feel like I am no one of significance without the title of mother, wife, or daughter, etc.
I may feel like I need to add another title, some deed or worthy act to my resume to matter. I don't.
I'm enough simply because I am His.
You are His. First.
Before you are wife, momma, employee. You are His.
May that fact be a centering, sobering moment for you like it was for me.
Nothing I do on this earth matters without my head knowing it's all centered around the truth that I am His. Everything I do is because of Him. Sure I want to be more, do more, grow and change into the soul God desires for me to become. Every day I strive to be more. But the centering, recurring, sobering theme you and I need to keep running back to is:
You are His.
His daughter, His joy, His creation, His masterpiece, His overwhelming reason for loving and being and giving Himself up. His.
All those other things, titles, relationships or jobs you have are just icing on the cake. They are not who you are. They don't define you. He does.
So when I feel the pressure of hiding under the title of someone else's somebody, of my job, of my insecurity-- I must remember the center of who I truly am all goes back to where I started. Jesus. And that my friend, is enough.
Honestly with love,