Rescued: the silent cry

My two year old could have drowned a few days ago.

It feels unreal. Dreamlike. I do not know how to take the enormity of it all in.
I don't even want to write about this honestly, it hurts my heart so.

What if we were not as quick? What if this? What if that? What if?

I was inside scrubbing the shower while my husband was in our two foot deep pool with the three boys. The thing barely fits our family, it is almost a baby pool. Ethan was in one of those cheerio like inner tubes just floating the day away. His happy, silly self probably thinking about motorcycles. Such a relaxing afternoon it was. 
Paul turned his back for exactly one second when the top part of Ethan's body was leaned over, his face in the water and his legs kicking. He could not get up. His face and upper body were held in the water by the inner tube. He made no noise, at all.  
Paul quickly swooped Ethan up. He was only in the water for a couple seconds. Just enough to traumatize him, his father and brothers. When I came outside Ethan's face was a blank stare. He only wanted held. It was like he knew something deeply wrong had just occurred. 
He rested his face on my shoulder while I held him all wrapped up in his orange towel, sopping wet. Heavy hearted. Silent. The rest of the afternoon he barely spoke. My two year old.
I just comforted him. I prayed with him.

"Mom, I was dead in the water" he said.
"No baby, no you just got stuck and daddy saved you!"

I want to take that moment back. 
I want to erase it from his little memory bank forever.
The fear. The shock. This life changing moment.

I cannot. 
I hate that. Hate.
I imagine this is how God feels when we experience something traumatic to us. 
He rescues us. His heart aches. He wants nothing more than to take it away. He cries for us. He wants to hold us in His arms, stroke our hair and whisper, "it will all be okay honey, I am here. It will all be okay." Yet somehow this shapes, molds, transforms our hearts closer to His heart, another painful shaping moment in our lives.

Today I am still bothered but deeply grateful it was truly only seconds in the water, that my husband was so quick on his feet, and that it was not a truly close call. My son still regularly mentions being stuck in the water and I try to affirm him but remind him he was rescued.

Do you need rescued today? Do you feel like you are silently flailing in the water and no one can see? No one can hear? Crying out for help? God sees you honey. God hears your voice. He is swooping in for the rescue. Look up and let him. Let him.

Reminds me of this song:
I need you Jesus to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
Theres no other name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace, I will follow you, I will follow you.

Psalm 34:17-20 says, "Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you.  If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.  Disciples so often get into trouble; still, God is there every time.  He’s your bodyguard, shielding every bone; not even a finger gets broken."

Today dear friend who needs rescued, cry out to him. He hears your voice even when you feel it is silent. When you are day in and day out feeling empty or lost or sad or overwhelmed. Cry out to him. Let him rescue you. Keep running to him, keep running into his arms and He will rescue you. He will. 

Honestly with love,

PS: drowning often makes no noise. Never take your eyes off your children in the water for a moment. A moment. 


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