Alone in the Car

I'm sitting alone in the dark in my car right now. 
Yes, I know...sounds creepy.
I promise, I am not totally weird. Maybe just a little..
I just can't go back into my house of all the lists of stuff to do, and say and be. Not yet.

Only the moonbeams of the full moon give light to the cozy coupe and three Thomas the Train motorcycles scattered in the driveway. 
I don't drive at night much. I certainly don't drive alone at night much.
The quiet is a bit haunting and unfamiliar to me but I need it.

Typically my car rides consist of three toddlers filling it with insessint talking as they speak every single word that comes into their minds, all at once. Every song- they sing it. Every noise- they replicate it. Silent car rides just do not happen round here.
In the silence of this beat up Corolla with a juice box on the floor, my brain can think. I just want to clear my pinging, loud and multi-tasking brain. I want to just let it breathe in this dark, cool silence. The solitude is cleansing.

I specifically asked God what He wants me to hear tonight in this stillness and solidarity I rarely get the chance to meet with. Am I making a difference? Should I be doing more or less? Where can I grow? What direction does He have me headed in?

More silence lingered as I searched for some sort of gentle whisper that didn't come.
The moon was surrounded by clouds but it's light was still filling the night.
I wondered if my husband wondered what on earth I was doing just sitting in the driveway. Weirdo.

The only thing I could truly sense was Jesus saying, "just be with me here."
Just be with me. That's it.

All that other stuff, that mind filled with chaos of all the lists upon lists of things to be done are secondary. Secondary.

Just be with me. 

Anchor your day with me. I am your foundation, your moonbeams lighting the way in the darkness. Your lighthouse amidst the dog.

Just be with me. Let the clouds pass and trust me to light the way.

So momma. 
If you are reading this and are on the edge of meltdown. If you feel foggy.
If you feel like your life is on repeat and you just do not have the strength.
If you feel not enough. If you feel lost, confused and like your brain just can.not.take. one more thing to do. Me too some days friend, me too.

Just go be with Jesus. In the silence. In the solitude.  Go to the car in the night if you need to.
Let Him hold you, let Him just sit with you. Cry to Him, He doesn't care- He just wants you.
I will be doing the same. Make it habit. Every day lets set our minds on things above before we jump into the chaos pool. Let's live in Him and breathe and grow and stay grounded. This mom thing is crazy tough. We simply cannot do it without Him, a clear mind and a light to guide our way.

Let's spend some time now friend,


John 15: "Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me.

“I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples.

“I’ve loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in my love. That’s what I’ve done—kept my Father’s commands and made myself at home in his love.

"I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I’m no longer calling you servants because servants don’t understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I’ve named you friends because I’ve let you in on everything I’ve heard from the Father.

"You didn’t choose me, remember; I chose you, and put you in the world to bear fruit, fruit that won’t spoil. As fruit bearers, whatever you ask the Father in relation to me, he gives you.

“But remember the root command: Love one another.


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