bad at lent

Dear Lent

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Dear Lent,

Sorry we have never really gotten along.
Sorry I always intend on being friends but never call you or ask to hang out until it's past normal hours you call people.
Sorry I cave at day 16 most years.
Yeah, I am that girl.

Here we are the day before Ash Wednesday, when this forty day thing begins, and here I am unprepared. Again.

I am scrambling here. I don't want to rush to decide what to give up for Lent. What to stop doing that seems hard, but you know- not too hard? (wink) Something that will grow me but not kill me? Why does discipline have to be so hard? I need to blog therapy this out here. Will you join me?

What is the purpose of fasting? We grow in the waiting. We grow in the times of wrestling. Seasons of trial, seasons of joy all make us who we are.
I am a mess, you say. I have too much to give up, you say. I can't possibly pick, you say.
Yes momma, me too. Me too.

I'd like to give up yelling at my kids.
I'd like to give up hitting snooze nine times- maybe just six.
I'd like to give up dreading bedtime routine.
I'd like to give up eating chocolate when I am moody.
I'd like to give up skipping my morning run.
I'd like to give up escaping online instead of playing with my kids.
I'd like to give up getting irritated at my husband's neverending pile of junk on his side of the bed.
I want to choose joy.
I want to choose patience.
I want to choose discipline.
I'd like to give up all my failures, my faults, my irritations and baggage.   
That would be nice.

Good news.
I can.

I can lay it all at the foot of the cross.
Seems easy enough to say, doesn't it friend?
You see, I don't have to become perfect in forty days.

I just need to lay ONE thing at the foot of the cross.

One.

Then keep meeting Jesus there. And meeting Him again. And again.

Meet Him in a breath of prayer. Meet Him in a song in the car. Meet Him with a friend on a mommy date.  Meet Him in a silent drive. Meet Him after the kids go to bed and I am exhausted and I can't muster the energy to do or say or think one more single thing. I can just be still in Him. I can be quiet, still and alone. That is a start.

He will take care of the rest, won't He?
We just need to take that step. Muster that strength.  
Wash and dry that superhero cape of yours momma.
Let's just meet Him. Make the effort.
Let's start there.

Fast, repent, pray, get rid of excess, discipline myself. Forty days.
Less of me, more of Jesus. Forty days.

I am replacing my craving for sugar in times of stress with breathing out a prayer.
I am doing this because I know I need to run to Jesus not sugar.  (Check of Crave by Lisa Terkeurst)  
I am doing this because I am weak, He is strong.

I don't pretend to know everything about lent. I am not fully prepared for it. I just pray that every day I grow. That every day I fall more in love with Jesus. That every day through my sacrifice and discipline I can commune with an ounce of what Jesus felt. That my heart is more prepared to truly celebrate what Jesus did on the cross on Easter Sunday. Truly.

I need an arsenal here. Here are a few verses of many that I will need that may help you too:

"Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial-I will not be mastered by anything." 1 Cor 10:23  
"Cast all our anxiety on Him because He cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert." 1 Peter 5:7-8 
"I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus.." Romans 8:37
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion." Psalm 73:26
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor 12:9
"Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." Matthew 4:4
" Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." James 1:2-4

So dear Lent, I will be up until 11:59 eating chocolate chip cookies and chocolate milk until my time of fasting begins... ;)

honestly with love,
Rach







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