The Missed Moments

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

"She saw snow for the first time at daycare today...I didn't get to see that glimmer in her eye."
I felt my coworker's heart drop just a little when she spoke those words. Mine did too since I have been in that spot sweet friend, it doesn't feel warm and fuzzy. You imagine what her smile was like and the words she spoke, it's the best you can do for yourself.

Missed moments in time of your little babies life feel like bubbles you just try to catch and they pop. Right in your hand. Pop. And you are sad, but there are more bubbles, many more sweet moments you can share. Moments you can look in each other's eyes and just belly laugh together. Feel connected. Feel joy. 

Today I missed my twin boys first ever thanksgiving feast. I was at a computer desk talking about workers comp audits and comprehensive deductibles. 
My babies were in hand painted t shirts displaying their given Indian names of "brother bear" and "laughing waters." They wore handmade paper turkey hats, noodle necklaces and had one of those proud smiles on their faces. They were big today. They ate lunch with daddy, their teacher and friends. A first. I missed Ethan's first steps while I was at work. I missed Jude's first fall that needed stitches while at work.

Those moments in time where this momma could not be there in person are pressing down on me telling me I need to feel guilty. I need to be sad. 

I am sad. For me. 

For them, they had those moments and thrived without me. They got to tell me wild and thrilling stories of those moments and I got to see them live there again. That's joy. They got to have just daddy time today. 

Mommas just can't be there every moment. I will be there every moment I can physically be. I want to share those first field trips, first lost tooth, first Christmas play. We feel connected when we hold those moments together and we feel connected when we talk about them. 

Don't feel guilty today momma bear. Just don't. Every bubble that popped when you weren't looking still popped. There will be more.  Move on. Take whatever joys you are there for and hold onto them until the next one comes floating on and grab it. You can't have them all.  Joy to joy. Moment to moment. Your hug, your smile, your voice can calm every storm to them. That momma, is enough. 

Love, peace and sweatpants,

R

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