Sing it again

I sang 'Jesus Loves Me' four times tonight before putting my three boys to sleep. Every time I stopped, the baby said, "more..." Lets just say my singing voice is no bueno people.
After i left the room they all three cried. The whiney, I want mommy, wailing kind. Sigh....Way to get your way kiddos! you are too good! Heart breaker. I go back in to re-tuck. After a few minutes of crying, I go back up stairs because each child wants held while I sing the song again. So...I hold Ethan and levi while singing. I put Levi down and hold Ethan and Jude while singing. I sing it one more time because they cry again when I stop singing. I then retuck and leave the room with only one child crying. Moderate success. Quiet ensues after a few minutes of crying and pretend puppy noises.

My little people miss me. I feel terrible.
I'm a sucky parent.
I've been too busy baking cupcakes, working, doing laundry, dishes and trying to stay on top of the insurmountable load of crap to do. I just want to get ahead so I can rest for 30 minutes before bed at night. Maybe read a book or write a blog post.

Well ladies and gentleman, its not about me, rest, or housework.
It's about their tiny little souls. They are so tender and sweet. I want to cradle their little hearts in my arms and never let go. i dont want to hurt their hearts by being gone or just not present. My day to day forgets that. My day to day wants to just make to through without having a huge pile of stuff to do when they go to bed. My day to day says, "Rachel! Get it done now so you can clear your mind later! They are fine!"

Yes, they are fine playing among each other for a bit. Yes, I need to recharge. I have to remember they each need eye to eye contact, a gentle hug, sweet words and a tickle or two with just their momma. I cherish those moments more than rest, chocolate or a clean house. Simply cherish. It fills my heart.

I vow to be more present with those tiny souls. More aware. More in love.
Housework will wait. Rest will come. Joy cannot wait.
Yes sweetheart, I will sing it again.


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