Practicing Gods Presence 22: retrospection

When I read or hear about someone's struggle to have children I still get a knot in my stomach. I don't know why. I just feel sick that someone else is going through the deep, long winded, soul shaking pain I went through for far too many years. It just hurts my heart. I want to say something to make them feel better, to tell them it will all work out, that their pain will not be forever. I can't. Each persons infertility journey is their own and ends differently. God is speaking different things to each woman, man, marriage and family. He is working through so many hidden places.

When reading this persons blog about their IVF journey and seeing the piles of medicine it brought it all flooding back. We went to a fertility doctor December 12, 2008 and did not do out first IVF until August 2009. It was a long process. Boxes of pills, Paul had to give me shots in my belly and my hiney for weeks. My brain would not shut off with the what ifs. I worked out, ate only organic food, and was very careful of every detail. I visited the
Doctor every single day. Got blood taken for two weeks straight every morning and they had a terrible time getting it sometimes sticking me three or four times. The egg retrieval surgery was bloody and painful. The daily sonograms of my eggs made me so anxious since I overstimulated and it could be called off any day. I was so bloated with eggs- I had 32! Most women only get 8 or so. I made it all the way to the embryo transfer and waited 14 days to find out if I was pregnant. I was walking on egg shells the whole time. Every twinge I felt I thought could be a pregnancy sign. We got the call. Finally! I waited all day- took off work and everything. The nurses voice was monotone. I felt it in my gut. "The test was negative" she said. I was heartbroken. Would I ever be a mom? Should i try again or just adopt? What is God doing? Immediately I felt God say try again. My heartbreak turned into determination and faith God would make it happen. Now to go through all this medication, travel, emotion, shots, doctor visits, and wondering all over again. I had no idea if it would work or not I only knew I felt God say try again and was having faith in Him. Deep faith that he would be there no matter the outcome. Very expensive medicine that makes me bloated and moody here I come. Here are some pictures to remember the journey before I got the call that my life would change forever.

Looking back at where God had me and where I am now is a gift. A true gift. In retrospect I can see Gods fingerprints on my every moment. If you are in a dark night- He is there working. One day you can write your story of retrospect and see His handiwork all over your life. In His time.

Herre is my blog while I was going through some stuff. So awesome to go back and see where God has brought me.

shots- blech

belly shots. Giant Progesterone ones in my hiney too. But you dont want to see that!

drink 32 oz prior to embryo transfer

IVF #1 :(
IVF#2. Future Jude & Levi from ONE egg!
pee stick

finally we are preggo!!

happy and blessed!


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