motherhood

Practicing Gods Presence #21: worship

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

It's 7:30 and I just laid Ethan down. Paul's doing dishes and I am picking up toys. I hit the ground running at 6 am and am ready to crash. To give my brain a rest. I think I'll spend the next twenty minutes painting, listening to worship music, and resting in Gods presence.

And....."waaaaaaaaaa" Ethan starts crying. I rushed in to catch him before freak out begins and I was rushing his silence. I thought, "ugh, I was really looking forward to some worship time." No sooner did I think that and the thought, "You are worshipping me." filled my whole body. Whoa. I just felt Gods gentle, strong, whisper. I am holding one of His children. He has entrusted me to raise this gorgeous baby in His image. He is standing next to me, telling me the act of serving my son with love and grace ultimately is serving Jesus. What a simple revelation for me. A revelation that has shifted how I look at motherhood. At myself. At my reactions to his what seems like never ending cries. God is calling me to worship Him. At 2am, at 4:30 am, when he won't nap, when he screams, when he explodes from his diaper, when he won't let me put him down, or when he cries the whole way home from work. Worship. I'm called to it. I'll get frustrated, cry, or have a short fuse on some days but as I focus more and more on serving Jesus through Ethan it will get easier. Christ will form me through the discipline of mothering. It's sometimes quite ugly and brings out my worst but also shows me the pure greatness of Gods beauty.
Thank you Jesus for your whispers amidst my noisy selfishness. Thank you for the way you gently love me. The way you have filled my life with glory despite my shortcomings. I cherish You and the boys you trusted me to raise to be like you. More of you less of me today. Worship today.

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