pGp#5: grocery shopping
The past month my mind and body have been adjusting to this new way of life. My body has been torn open too often too soon and I can truly feel it and you can see it. My stomach will never be the same. I have come to terms with that. Still, I wish I had a shirt that said, "Twins plus one in 14 months- back off!" I have to remember it will take more than 7 weeks to get it down to a normal size - especially when I am nursing and it makes me want to eat an entire cake. That on top of wanting to self medicate with chocolate are not a good combo. Not to mention, my emotions after pregnancy are like PMS times 100. Yes, times one hundred. That on top of a colicky baby, twins, a messy house, and trying to go back to work when your clothes don't fit. Tears, hot tears with puffy eyes have occurred on more than one occasion. Not for one reason, just an accumulation of many small ones. I have been grocery shopping in the wrong store for help, for peace, for a breath. I have been depending on myself to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get back to normal. I can't do it alone. I need Jesus. I need prayer, meditation, Godly silence and solitude. I need to shop in God's Word. It get easier and better every day. It's a transition.
Just as so many small annoyances add up; it is my choice to notice them in lieu of the small wonders, the glimmers of joy I have every single day. Like the pictures above. We all know that a grocery shopping trip to the evil Wal-Mart is enough to make you feel stressed out. When I came home the twins were at my feet slowing me down. I needed to unpack and it was past dinner time and I had not even started it. Rather than try to keep them out of my way, I decided to embrace the moment and let them 'help' me unpack groceries. They had a great time and I was able to stop, slow down, and enjoy a special moment with them. They looked into my eyes, giggled and tried to show me what they were unpacking. Those are the moments I search for, that make the chaos disappear and fill my heart with joy. Looking for help in God rather than trusting myself in even one small decision can change the direction of your day- can help one refocus.
Needless to say I have not had a moment to read brother Lawrence for this exercise but as my life is slowly settling in I plan to make it a priority. Even if it is just a paragraph or two. Remembering to slow down and focus on my Father standing by me, whispering to me how He loves me will quiet my mind enough to hear Him and experience Him. Experience Him in the chaos of the day or in the bliss of holding a sleeping baby.
May I no longer shop for answers in myself but in God alone.
"Let nothing disturb you, nothing frighten you. All things are passing; God never changes. Patience overcomes all things; He who possesses God lacks nothings; God alone is sufficient." - St. Teresa of Avila
practicing God's presence