workin' for the weekend
It’s one of those days. One of those days I am sure every working mother has.
I miss my children. I cried on my way to work today. Geesh, I am tearing up even now.
Looking into those innocent little blue eyes as I walk out the door is heartbreaking some days. Their faces seem to say, “Mom, are you leaving us?” I want nothing more than to sit on the floor and play with them. Laugh with them and tickle them. I want to watch them still learning to walk, dancing to Baby Einstein, reading books, standing at the window, hear them sing songs and get into trouble with each other. I want to be their mom all day long. I want them to know I am there. I want to experience their day with them. I don’t want to miss a moment. Now granted, when I am with them all day I cannot wait for nap time or bed time to get rest- but I still enjoy every minute. Some days are harder than others of course. Some days I can’t wait until Paul gets home, a grandparent comes over, or I can go somewhere to get out of the house.
I am fortunate enough to work at a wonderful place with wonderful co-workers and a great boss. I enjoy working there. It is just difficult to balance it all. I want to be a great mom, a great employee, a wonderful wife, home maintainer, pastors wife, daughter, and friend. Having a new little baby on the way makes all this seem even more burdensome. I will still work, I have to still work. My boss will let me bring my boy to work with me, which is a huge weight off my shoulders. I just feel like I have to work even harder to make up for this blessing. My mother-in law and my mom watch the babies for me several days a week now also. I know they love being with them but I suppose I feel like they are doing my job for me. They are amazing grandparents and I could not ask for better people to help raise my boys.
So after writing all of this, I am still sad that I can’t be with my boys all day but look at the blessings I have. I can bring baby three to work with me and I get a the best people I could ask for, whom I love and trust to watch my boys. Most people don’t have this option. Would my life and my family’s life be easier if I could stay home? Of course it would but then I would probably miss work. Catch 22. Ha!
Lord, I need your loving embrace today. I need you to tell me my boys are fine, in fact are happy and having a great time. You have given me so many blessings and today I need to rest in where you have me. I need to embrace the love you have shown me and my family. May the emptiness I feel be filled with your love, grace and joy today. Thank you for watching over every detail of my life and caring about every hair upon my head. I trust in you. I trust the future for my family will be bright and filled with your warm, fulfilling love no matter where I am during the day. You are our provider.