babies

take it

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Take the help when someone offers. Ask for it when you need it. Simple right?
Not for me. I simply have to make everything complicated for myself.
I just have to.

Being pregnant with twins was a feat in itself and I knew God was working on me to lean on Him and others during this difficult time. I didn’t like it.  
I’ve always tried to do everything on my own. Sometimes I do great and it turns out lovely and I am just exhausted afterwards. Other times I simply fall flat.on.my.face. Ouch. What is wrong with me?

You would think after relying on my husband, mom, mother in law, aunts and sisters during bedrest and hospital stays while pregnant with the twins I would have learned how to be more accepting of help.
I had to ask co-workers to pick up things from the ground, carry things, and walk things to faraway places for me.
Paul brought me food and drinks while I was glued to the couch on bedrest for two weeks all while maintaining our crazy house and taking classes.
My family brought over meals, cleaned, let out the dog while I was in the hospital and on modified bedrest the rest of my pregnancy.
Friends stopped by to lift my spirits.
I was 4cm dilated and in labor and I walked into the hospital by myself- even when a stranger asked if she could help me.
In the hospital I had to rely on the NICU nurses to take care of my boys for thirteen days, show me how to breastfeed and give them a bath. I had to rely on Paul to get me out of bed, to give me a shower, and so much more. I needed help for just about everything.

Just after I had the boys I had to have my gallbladder out. I wanted to care for them while I was not physically able. Luckily family stepped in once again to help. I went through a lot in a short period of time. It was so physically and emotionally draining and I felt like a terrible burden. I felt like I should be doing all of this but I was forced to let others help me. I am so glad that I was blessed enough they did even when I was stubborn. I mean, God gave me twins so I should be able to handle it huh? Maybe God gave me twins because He knew I couldn’t handle it without other peoples help and His strong love guiding me. Obviously He is trying to show me this. Why do I still feel over a year later, after all those trials,  that I have to do it on my own? I don’t need anyone’s help? That is so selfish of me. Simply put- we are humans. God created us to be in community with Him and others.
Another trial is headed my way where I will need even MORE help- baby number three when babies one and two are only 14 months old….I better learn this whole thing quick.
I am already trying to do everything while I am pregnant and chasing twins around- my body yells at me all the time. I need to listen. No more than 20 pounds. My baby son is asking me to listen. If the house is a wreck and I have to eat freezer pizza so be it. If I have to spot clean baby snot off a sweatshirt so be it. If I have to say no to something I simply cannot do- so be it.  No more thinking, "well...maybe I can do it by myself...." No more.

Lord, open my heart to being accepting of help and learning to ask for it when I need it. I can’t do it all on my own. I am simply not strong enough. I am weak and emotional and I need You. I need others. Thank you for bringing them into my life just when I needed them. Thank you for loving me when my eyes were blinded to my own need. May I be a light to others but may I also allow them be lights to me.

Maybe you can relate today. I know lots of women who try to do it allon thier own.
If so, I would love to hear. Comment, call or email me. :)

My help and glory are in God —granite-strength and safe-harbor-God— So trust him absolutely, people; lay your lives on the line for him. God is a safe place to be. -Psalm 62:7 The Message

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3 comments

  1. I admire you for typing this and posting it. I am thankful for your willingness to share your heart. I agree that this is a common battle for women, it is one I fight daily in the classroom as I attempt to meet 75 learners exactly where they are instructionally (which in a full inclusion setting is ALL over the map). I do my job best when I remember that I am part of a team, and that I cannot do it all.

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  2. Good point. That is a tough battle-I never thought of it that way. We face this battle in many areas of our lives- and yet its still a struggle. I suppose this is where we have to do our best and simply trust God is in control.

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  3. This is present-day for me. I know God gave me 2 at once because with 1 I'd be fooled into thinking I could do it myself.

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