Here is the most recent picture of our new little surprise baby gummi bear. Be honest with me, looks more like a blob than a baby. I know. Nevertheless, when I saw that fluttering heartbeat last week it brought a sense of reality rushing over me. A sense of reality, but also an overwhelming giddy, crazy kind of love for this tiny human I have never met.
The ultrasound appointment was on a Thursday and I poorly planned when someone could watch the babies. No babysitters were available so we had to bring our 7 month old babies to the ultrasound. The thought of this brought fear into my heart- all the things that could go wrong. Not to mention, it seems that everywhere we go we are some sort of circus act. Here are some typical responses to seeing a woman carrying two infant carriers or pushing a double stroller:
1) "Are they twins?" To which I politely smile and say 'yes' all the while hoping they will leave me alone. I am attempting to maintain a melt down free zone and am on a mission here! Not to mention, you have stopped me in my tracks while carrying 25 pounds! heavy!
2) The simple stare. This one I don't mind much actually. It's still awkward. Do I pretend I don't see them?
3) The stare and comment to their neighbor, "Look, twins!" like I cannot hear or see them ogling me and my babies.
4) "I have twins, you will survive." I particularly enjoy this one. It's a sort of comradeship of moms who have endured the pain (yes I say pain- sorry but its tough!) of being a mother to twins. It gives me a sense of hope to be honest.
There are many other different experiences I could mention, but these are the most common. I write all this to you to tell you that despite all the chaos that ensues when bringing twins in public, it will be nothing compared to a pregnant mom pushing twins in a stroller. I am showing already. Now I will get looks of bewilderment! Looks of shock! Horror! What sort of comments are in my future now? No, we are not the soon to be Duggar's or Kate Gosselin nor are we planning on having a TV show. I pray now that God gives me the grace to smile and be kind to those who say silly things.
I will just remember that my God has such crazy love for me that He has done something crazy in my life. I don't need to be embarrassed. He has handed me hilarity and joy while saying, "Come on daughter! You can do this!" Maybe to others it appears a circus, but to me it's a circus of miracles. Lord, help me hold my head high in knowing Your love is wild and bright. You do crazy things in my life because you are so crazy in love with me. Crazy love that I would go crazy without, do anything for, and am not ashamed of. A love that is consuming, free and wild. I believe that's the way Jesus loves us too. May it be the way I love my husband, children, and others.
May we all embrace God's wild way of loving us, circus side show or not ;-)
As a nod to an amazing writer, Francis Chan, who wrote a book called Crazy Love, here is a beautiful quote:
"God's definition of what matters is pretty straightforward.
He measures our lives by how we love."