I wrote this post about Ethan being my last babe back in August.
About the ache I feel knowing that he was the last tiny babe to grow in my belly. The ache motherhood is moving on. The ache. If you are a mom, you have likely felt it.
After much prayer, thoughts of how crazy we must be, and more prayer Paul and I decided we would give growing our family one year of whatever happens. We are happy with three. The ache was still there for one more. After seven years of infertility we did not know what was possible but it was in God's hands. June 2014 was the deadline we talked to God about. It came and went. This post about Ethan being my last was written two months after our timeline was over. Conversations were had, prayers were prayed, tears shed. Obviously God showed us we were done. We were beyond happy with three awesome boys. I still had a small ache but I knew God would fill it with His goodness as He always has. His plans are always, always so much better than mine.
Apparently when I was writing this post, a tiny babe was already growing in my womb. I did not realize at the time amidst the running around after three toddlers, working, volunteering and picking up legos all day. Today I am several weeks into my second trimester with my fourth child. Paul and I are overjoyed. The boys are overjoyed. We are also scared to pieces. Pieces!! Money, jobs, starting all over can be paralyzing.
What is so funny about God is, He does things inside us when we are too busy to even realize it. We think He has forgotten us. Not God, He is working out something beautiful just for us, always. Beauty innerwoven with gifts of love from our Father all behind the scenes. He is working out good for those who love Him. This pregnancy, this baby is that gift for me. I got pregnant in June. Right at the timeline where God and me agreed we would move on if nothing happened. God likes to make me wait because I am the most impatient person He may have made. Seven years to get married, seven to have my first babies, and now this one over a year later. I am learning. I am growing.
I am grateful beyond measure for this gift after being given a less than 1% chance of conceiving on our own. This gift of being able to experience life growing in my womb for the last time. This gift of seeing my husband's face when I showed him the pregnancy test. This gift of laughing and in shock at what we are about to embark upon. This gift of seeing my boys faces when they found out mommy had a baby in her belly. So many little gifts. I will treasure them all. Whatever gift God is working on behind the scenes in your life or you are currently living in, slow down and enjoy each one. He created those gifts just for you. Just for you honey child. Just for you. What beauty, what grace, what joy.
Honestly with love,
The crazy preggo lady (Rachel)
PSA: I would love a boy or a girl equally- seriously.
I am due in Feb/March 2015. Anatomy scan is in two weeks.
Don't judge people based on the size of their family. Every child is a gift. You chose for yourself, I will choose for mine. ;)