I wait for bedtime for so many reasons.
To rest, sit down, to breathe but most importantly to meet with Jesus and reflect, refresh and restore my soul.
Sweatpants and honesty required.
Come sit with me momma.

July 23, 2014

Project Baby: An Unexpected Infertility Story

I used to hate my story.
Now, now God uses it for His glory. What a blessing and a gift He used little ole me.
Please check out my story on Twiniversity here.

"Then God remembered Rachel, she became pregnant and gave birth to a son" genesis 30:22

July 2, 2014

The Mom Heart: when parenting style doesn't matter

If someone does not parent the way you do or did, look past it.
Look past it to see a mom heart. Behind whatever a mom's parenting style is, there is a mom heart bursting with love and forgetfulness, laughter and hair pulling, lists, tickle fights and too much Elmo. Questioning if we are doing this thing right at every step and wanting nothing but the absolute best for our littles. Every mom heart looks a lot alike.

I am not a bad mom because I didn't breastfeed my child until they were a toddler.
I am not a crazy mom if I did.

I am not a pushover mom if my boys slept in my room until they were one and I still rock them to sleep.
I am not a bad mom if I co-slept or let them cry it out.

I am not a bad mom if I feed my children peanut butter and jelly on white bread, let them sleep in their bouncy and send them to daycare if I need to work.
I am not an overprotecter if I only feed them organic food, baby wear, and homeschool.
If I look put together or am in sweats, volunteer for everything or nothing, work in an office or at home, grow my food or grocery shop, I am still a mom just like you.

I am a pretty good mom.
You are a great mom.
Say it out loud, "I am a great mom."1

So, enough already.
Enough of the high and mighty from all sides.
Enough of feeling not enough as a momma. Enough.

God created you to be your exact kids momma. You. For a reason. He knows you, He sees you, He knows your kiddos heart and it was made for you to raise in exactly the style He knew you would have. Do it the way you feel called to, not the way you feel pressured to from the world, Pinterest or that mom you envy who seems to have it all. You are going to make mistakes, often. But you just keep loving and learning and loving some more the way only you can love.

I was thrust into lots of kids all at once so I thrive on schedule, organization and routine as do my boys. If another mom takes things as it comes and it works for her family- good. Do what works. Don't make me feel like I am too much because of the way I mother or don't mother. Don't make someone else feel like if they formula feed, are a stay at home mom, live by schedule, or vaccinate their kids that they are less. We all try to hold ourselves to an impossible standard. Let go of that. Trust your mothering and be your own kind of mom.

We mothers push and pull and fall down and get back up on this motherhood journey and we just don't know what we are doing on some days. What we do know, is love. Let's show that love to the other moms we see in the grocery line buying pop tarts or organic cheese- doesn't matter. We all need support, encouragement, and a shoulder to hug when we have a hard day. We all do. That momma, is comradarie no matter our parenting style. That is the mommas heart we need to see. Love, encourage, come alongside in tears or laughter, and speak life to that mom heart. The constant advice giving, questioning, and judging needs to stop. Say, "hey there you are doing great. Cute kid." whether the baby is smiling in that grocery cart or melting down. The mom heart. See that. Encourage that. 

Love Jesus. Model Him to your kids. Love them through His eyes the best possible way you know how. Keep growing, learning, praying and running to Him for help. Be a present, godly example to your kids. That, to me, is good parenting. All the other stuff, well, it's just stuff.

Mother on momma, mother on. :)

Honestly with love,

Mom Brain on Overflow

It's adding up.
The things that have gone wrong in my day are like dirty dishes stacking up on the counter.
So, so many dirty dishes in a tall, skinny pile that they are teetering. The leaning tower of Pisa.
Balancing on the edge. The edge of my sanity.
I am barely holding it together today. The plates are about to crash.

A fourth morning woken far, far too early by a demanding toddler.
Messing up a few policies at work.
Trying to fix them while also working with walk-ins.
A messy house littered with toys, swimming trunks, and half eaten grapes.
Three whiny toddlers who refused to nap today and are now whine-pots.
A boo-boo that won't give in to the band-aid making it feel better.
Dinner needs cooked.
A back yard with toys as far as the eye can see.
A two year old with bright green poopy in his underwear, an earache and he won't let me leave him alone in the bathroom while we have been at the dinner table trying to get them to all eat something for the past 42 minutes.

These are a few of my plates just from today. 
There are still stack of dirty ones from a few days ago.
My brain feels full. As I walk in cookie crumbs to sit on the couch to take a writing break I realize I need some perspective. I need to take a break and do some dishes. Not literally, figuratively.

Ever feel so filled up with all the junk of the day and don't make time to unload it? Then you do that again the next day, and the next? Then you start messing up stuff, feeling overwhelmed too easily, and are on overflow. Me too friend, me too. We mommas need to take better care if ourselves every day. Better care so we don't overflow gunk. 

Here are a few things that always steer me back on course. I will be working a few of them as soon as I finish writing this post:
Writing ;) check
Reading the Bible, a book or a blog
A good, hot shower and some music
Conversation and quality time with my husband
Cleaning up my house or at least the living room and kitchen 
Making a list of the big things for the week (just to get it out of my head)
Organizing something (just so I feel accomplished)
Yoga, prayer time and deep breathing (I enjoy doing them all together)

Ah this list already is making me feel a little less stressed. I have begun washing the proverbial stack of dishes already.  It is so peaceful and I can feel my heart is a tad less pressured already. No more stress and ditz brain will overflow I hope.
Pslam 23 says that The Lord restores our soul. Do you believe that today? I know when I miss a day or a few days of time with Jesus or of the stuff above, I can really feel it.
What about you? What do you do after a hard day to reconnect? How do you best connect with God? How do you make it a priority?

Questions for myself. I'd love feedback friends :)

Colossians 1:17 says, "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

He holds us together tonight. He does. 

Honestly with love,

June 20, 2014

God's Flirting

Water from the farm sprinkler filled up my windshield tonight while I drove down a road surrounded by a corn field and lit by the night sky on my way home from a Target run. You know, those ones you tell your husband will only be a few minutes but end up with you wandering the aisles just enjoying the peace of mind and silence. Yeah, that. Back to my drive...
The stars were glittering and in the distance fireflys were dancing on top the summer wheat. It felt magical to be honest. The windows let in a breeze of warm air and the smell of water. I drove slow home to take this all in. The beauty of it all. Look at the way God flirts with us. The way He shows us in so many little ways how He has been thinking of us. The little things we love, He lights them up sometimes just for us. We only need to notice Him there in the subtle, quiet places He hides throughout our day.

Naked toddlers running in the yard laughing.
Popsicles in the summer heat.
Pizza and movie night all snuggled on the couch in our pajamas. Just laughing away, all five of us.
Firelflies dancing on summer wheat.
Quiet country road drives surrounded by glittering stars and fireflies.

Between the messy mealtimes, meltdowns, timeouts, loose dogs, favorite stained shirts and list of things that will never get done we miss it. Jesus is whispering sweet nothings in our ear. He is flirting with us. His arms are open, His face is shining down on you, He is smiling at the thought of you. He is for you. Notice Him today friend. If all the stuff in your day seems to be going wrong, there IS something right. Find it. How did The God of this universe flirt with you today amidst your chaos? 

Comment, I want to hear about it. 

Honestly with love,
Rach xoxo

Pslam 103

A David Psalm

103 1-2 O my soul, bless God.
    From head to toe, I’ll bless his holy name!
O my soul, bless God,
    don’t forget a single blessing!

3-5 He forgives your sins—every one.
    He heals your diseases—every one.
    He redeems you from hell—saves your life!
    He crowns you with love and mercy—a paradise crown.
    He wraps you in goodness—beauty eternal.
    He renews your youth—you’re always young in his presence.

6-18 God makes everything come out right;
    he puts victims back on their feet.
He showed Moses how he went about his work,
    opened up his plans to all Israel.
God is sheer mercy and grace;
    not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,
    nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,
    nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
    so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
    he has separated us from our sins.
As parents feel for their children,
    God feels for those who fear him.
He knows us inside and out,
    keeps in mind that we’re made of mud.
Men and women don’t live very long;
    like wildflowers they spring up and blossom,
But a storm snuffs them out just as quickly,
    leaving nothing to show they were here.
God’s love, though, is ever and always,
    eternally present to all who fear him,
Making everything right for them and their children
    as they follow his Covenant ways
    and remember to do whatever he said.

19-22 God has set his throne in heaven;
    he rules over us all. He’s the King!
So bless God, you angels,
    ready and able to fly at his bidding,
    quick to hear and do what he says.
Bless God, all you armies of angels,
    alert to respond to whatever he wills.
Bless God, all creatures, wherever you are—
    everything and everyone made by God.

And you, O my soul, bless God!